He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
