Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
