you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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