I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
