it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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