Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize