i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
