I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
