What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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