Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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