Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
