I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
