I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
