Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
