i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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