I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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