I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
