True but thats because hes a fetus.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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