trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
