By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
