What a fucking waste of an outfit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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