right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
