fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
