Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
