that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
