If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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