Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
