I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
