I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
