Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My penis needs a shock collar
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
