I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have aggressive nipples.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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