Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
