I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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