The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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