He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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