It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
