I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
