i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
