dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
