The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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