The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
