You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
