I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
