Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
