You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Enjoy the penises
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
