guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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