I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
