wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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