I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
zippers are such a cool invention
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
