Don't make out with my wife yet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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