I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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