1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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