do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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