he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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