dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
