Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i've created a new STD.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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