honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
