I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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