my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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