so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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