Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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