if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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