D3 body, D1 cock
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you had me at cake vodka
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
